It was late summer. School had only been back in session for two weeks. The sky was blue and the sun was shining. She had the world at her fingertips. She was beautiful and smart and funny. She could sing better than most. She was wild and rebellious. A kind of reckless abandon. She cared deeply about her friends but she was in pain. She had been operating in survival mode her whole life. Childhood trauma had stolen her innocence.
She tried to hide her depression and anxiety. She did a good job of keeping it from her friends. Her immediate family knew a little. They didn’t realize just how bad it was. She was like a volcano. The magma was rising to the top and could no longer be contained. All of her longing and desperation had finally overcome her ability to contain her emotions. Sadness, anger, fear, rage, shame and humiliation all came to the surface with a torrent. She had thought about it before. Planned it and played it over and over in her head. She had even attempted it a few times but was either stopped or changed her mind, until the day she succeeded.
It was August 23rd, 2021. My 13 year old niece took her own life. She was my sister’s youngest daughter. She was a sister. She was a cousin. She was a granddaughter. She was a best friend. She’s gone now. An awful stillness is left behind. A deafening silence where her sound used to be. Nothing will ever be the same for those she left behind. The ripple effect of this tragedy is far reaching. The future yet unknown but I believe she is singing with a choir of angels now. She is no longer in emotional torment. Finally free.
Fly high baby girl…. You are missed greatly.
Nomadic Farmer 